Monday, December 3, 2012

Week eleven....

I hadn't really known where to begin this post...
Its been another tough week on a number of levels...and this week of all of them has caused me to lose a little sleep.

I guess one of the downsides of feeling well again is that the 'constant aching and  fatigue' that acts as a  reminder that I need to eat clean and look after myself.... has gone.
I have actually been feeling quite well over the last few weeks...
no aching...
no headaches...
and my fatigue is normal tiredness.... caused by lack of sleep....or a hard day.....its not that overwhelming draining ....not an ounce of energy fatigue.
My digestion has been much improved.....
and my hair has a shine.
I have been sleeping a full night....no waking at 2am for an hour or so unable to go back to sleep.

So....as my health improved....
I added more to my daily list...
I took on my little 'market' project...
we became more social again...eating out and about...
and we headed off on a weeks holiday.

All of this has been amazing.....and I have loved it....
but there is a downside...
and that is that my focus shifted slightly...

So instead of spending each and every day planning.... searching and preparing food...
Reading and being inspired by the various books and blogs I love...
and walking around feeling so proud of myself for giving my body exactly what it needs....

I switched over unintentionally too....
Finding I had left my food choice to the last minute and then not making the best choice.
Having the odd glass of alcohol in the evening before dinner...
Slacking off on the exercise because I was chained to the sewing machine trying to meet a self imposed market deadline.
Not making time to read my blogs and books....
and worst of all.... I had flipped my headspace back to feeling dissapointed in myself.....and so angry that I had slipped back so easily into exactly what I preached I would never do.

I was chatting with Ian while we were away......and I can analyse myself so well.....
but I don't know how to combat it.
I self sabotage....but I have no idea why.!

I know what makes me feel well...
I love fresh healthy food...
I love the feeling of having just exercised....
but when I am faced with difficulties...like being away from home....being unprepared...or being busy...
I make silly choices and then regret them.

I wish I knew the answer.

So....how off track was I?

I didn't drink nearly enough water.... 
it was hot weather and I should have been drinking stacks....but I hate public toilets and so I subconsciously reduced my intake without even thinking about it. 

I stuck with my normal long black with a dash coffee order..... but shared a muffin (sugar and gluten) on two occasions.

I ordered some poor food choices whilst eating out....
Battered fish and chips (with salad) one night...
and Prawns and calamari (with salad) another.
I also had some sourdough bread for lunch one day.

add to that ....a vodka and orange each evening...
and an icecream one hot afternoon....
and I had consumed through the week more garbage food than I have had in the last 10 weeks combined.

I came home feeling overweight....and like I was retaining a gallon of fluid...
I have been beating myself up.... so angry with myself...and wishing that on each of the above occasions I had made a better choice.

HOWEVER....
I wasn't all bad!!

I stuck with my herbal teas.... 
 I made the most delicious quinoa..cucumber....merjool date....celery....raw nut and whole egg mayo salad....
no recipe....just a combination of foods I had on hand ...a lucky throw together which we both enjoyed.

We stopped for lunch in Maldon and I stumbled upon the most amazing 
Zen Eden cafe.... I had the most delicious beetroot and feta tart for lunch.....this would be among my most favourite foods I have ever eaten.....quite seriously it was divine!!!!

We had coffee and a lovely deli lunch from Larder in Daylesford....

We snacked on raw nuts and strawberries....
I had quinoa and Loving earth buckinis for breakfast each morning.
We walked.... we relaxed.....watched DVDs in the shade of a tree....
I took time out...reflected......and came home with an understanding of myself...
I am completely fallible...this is all part of a learning experience...
I've tested the waters again of my old habits....
I've accepted that I need to keep my guard up for a little longer...
I also know first hand by recent comparison that I feel a whole lot better when I do the right thing.

So there you have it....
Its blurted....its out....and as ridiculous as it is....I can already feel the judgements....yep....I so badly wanted to last the entire 12 weeks without coming unstuck..but I'm human....and it was a tough gig. Of course these judgements are all in my head....and laughable really... the biggest and only critic I have is myself!


1 comment:

Jenny said...

Oh Mardi... why are we so hard on ourselves... the eating plan you took on... was a huge ask... yes... a very tough gig... honestly... I don't think I could have eliminated everything that you did... what you did was AMAZING... it is all a learning process... celebrate the major changes you made... I can only imagine the organization that it must take to keep up with your eating plan... you did well... really well... and if we slip... well... it's just a little hump in the road that we will get over and move on from... feeling a little the same... not exercising.... and not feeling as good as I know I can feel... we fall... we get back up... and the important thing is that we keep going... feel proud... it is a huge achievement... have eaten at the same place in Daylesford... absolutely delish... and must try the cafe in Maldon... that tart looks amazing...

have a wonderful day...
Jenny ♥